Wow, you really need a good version of finale or sibelius. You are correct, the score doesn't look very good, and it is really interesting having to figure out what the tenor part actually sounds like, but despite all of that, I generally like the cadence. A few suggestions:
1) use more cymbal vocab. If you are going to include a cymbal part, you need to use as many sounds as you can get away with. I usually like to use regular crashes, muted crashes, sizzles, sucks, and hihats.
2) I don't know if this is musescore, or not, but you might want to look at the way you notated some rhythms for example, I would write the first measure as 1e&uh 2e&uh 3&uh e&. The way you wrote it isn't technically wrong, it is just easier to read if you write it a different way.
3) Another different way to make your score easier to read: make unison note heads for the bass drums.
Other than that I don't have much problem with this. Nice work
p.s. nice title
. Yeah the cymbal sound options are really slim. The sizzles sound like regular crashes, along with the choked crashes. I uploaded a better notated version here 
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